Carlsbad, NM
November 3, 2009

BW, a Mexican free-tailed bat made headlines after crashing the Halloween Spurs vs. Kings game.  This bat interrupted game play in the Alamodome in San Antonio until Spurs Player Manu Ginobili smacked him unconscious.  Ginobili then picked up the bat and handed it to an usher, who escorted him off the premises. 

Reports, that the bat had died, outraged PETA, citing this as another incident of unnecessary cruelty directed at animals.  Fortunately, BW survived to make this statement,
“I am absolutely alive!  Reports of my death were exaggerated, but not by much. The NBA would have you believe that I flew off after being gently released, but this is not so.”

BW claims that he regained consciousness after the usher brought him to the vicinity of a dumpster.
“This man had set me down on top of a dumpster.  He was opening one of the flaps and then it hit me.  He was going to throw me in the dumpster, like I was a mob hit!”

BW claims he escaped just in time.  He then struggled to the nearest bat rescue facility.  His condition was so serious that he was transported by helicopter to Carlsbad Caverns state of the art rehabilitation facility.

“This isn’t BW’s first time in rehab. He has been in and out of here since he was a pup,” says a park official, who wishes to remain anonymous. “He was found limping near a guano pile, by a park ranger, who was giving the King’s Palace tour.  He was one of the lucky ones. Most young bats, who lose their grip and land in a guano pile, are never seen again.”

BW was then admitted into the Carlsbad Caverns Adopt-A-Bat Program, where he was adopted by Lesley Street, a 43 year-old Soccoro, TX resident.  “I named him Bruce Wayne, because both he and Bruce Wayne were orphans.  I keep a photo of Brucie taped to my bathroom mirror to this day,” reminisces Lesley.

“Yeah, my name is Bruce.  You wouldn’t believe how many people name their bat Bruce.  I even had a girlfriend named Bruce.  That is why I prefer BW,” our bat friend comments.

BW says that his favorite hero isn’t the caped crusader, but bat rights activist Stellaluna.  “Stellaluna was a bat that stood up for herself in bird-dominated world.  I’m trying to do the same in a world dominated by people,” BW remarks.

So what was the purpose behind BW’s demonstration Saturday?  To stop guano mining?  To stop compulsory microchipping of bats? To get the word out about how certain park rangers have contests to see who can stuff the most bats in their hat?

“Those are all good causes, but all I really wanted was my own reality show.  People might look down on me for that, but it’s not like I stuffed my kid in a box and then sent the National Guard out looking for him.”

Apparently, BW has already received competing offers from various television networks.

When asked if he anticipated Manu Ginobili hitting him, BW remarked, “Heck no.  That really was uncalled for. I wasn’t hurting anybody.  What irks me the most is that Manu has come out and said what he did was wrong and he won’t do it again.  You see it is wrong to smack a bat, not because it’s a living breathing creature, but because it might have rabies.  You see I want to have it out with him Mano a Manu, but I’m not going to because humans can carry swine flu and I don’t want to take that chance.  Besides, I haven’t had the H1N1 vaccine yet.”
 

 

 

This entry was posted on Wednesday, November 4th, 2009 at 3:30 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.